I met the nicest Tranny last night. He/She loves Cheetos.
i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
Everybody was literally kung fu fighting
Quiet hours sex sucks. I hate finals.
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
My dad and I just got asked if "we wanted a more intimate setting for our date". The world is coming to an end.
Recycling my beer bottles from breakfast counts for earth day, right?
Good news. I heard back from the doctor and I don't have a liver problem.
...yet.
It was a "my chaser needed a chaser" kind of night
You poured 151 in your eye, ran face first into a tree, fell down, then threw a lawn chair at the dog...all before passing out in the hallway and pissing yourself. There is no way to redeem yourself.
It is getting ridiculous, the elaborateness of the schemes I have to concoct so my suitemates don't know I'm pooping.
Randomize
