i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
My mom said she was relieved to see that I'd gained some weight bc she's "always worried" that I might have AIDS.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
I seriously dont think i have ever ridden a horse sober.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I made friends with a raccoon. I pet it. Like I was Pocahontas.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
This is why i like single justin better. my only regret is not being present for more of his short life. may he rest in peace
Casually had to file a missing persons report last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dear slutty diary: I lied about feeling guilty of being a homewrecker in order to have more sex. it worked.
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
First table when you walk in. Can't miss us. I'm wearing a feather boa and a green hat
You had me at first table
Why do pants feel so unnatural once you enter your own house
i'm sitting in my room 'bout to smoke a bowl. also, i found out that you don't need a permit to own a tiger in wisconsin, so we're buying one when we move in together.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
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