Paul doesn't remember going to the bar and slept on someone's porch...doesn't know whose porch...maybe near Howard U.
I have way too much money in my bra to be responsible.
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Dude, those shrooms u gave me made me remember writing the bible. Fuckn awesome
Guess what I'm doing tonight? Tacos and strip chess.
I'm the one on the patio wearing underwear. Holding a pipe. Pigtail and glasses. Can't miss me.
Hi, my name is Ashslay and I'll be your designated shitshow.
I need to sanitize my soul.
I tried to have sex on someone's sisters horse last night
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I apologize for using the phrase "monster cock hentai porn shit" to describe that guy I picked up last week.
Try to fuck my roomie AND steal my slippers: you are no longer my favorite cousin.
I THINK HE DOES. OMG!!!!! OMG I FUCKED A GUY W A FAKE LEG AND I DIDN'T EVEN KNOW!!!!!!????!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
