he asked me out through an event invitation on facebook, the title read Romantic Dinner For 2
i just called corporate taco bell to ask about the life span of a chicken burrito.
I literally had to tap out of the blow job. It was like a pornographic wrestling match
I have now hooked up with 8 of the Apostles. I have no idea where I'm going to find a guy named Bartholomew.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I concluded last night that you have no tear ducts, heart, or sense of any feeling.
I'm an EMT, not a miracle worker. No, I can't fix your sprained dick.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
YOU NEED TO STOP BLOWING DUDES ON MY COUCH AT MY PARTIES
YOU NEED TO STOP PROVIDING TEQUILA AT YOUR PARTIES
I woke up to realize my keys were on the front porch. Also so was I. So close yet so far
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
Best line overheard at the bar: "This is the last time I'm shaving my ass for him...I mean we just broke up".
Dude, she set my Tinder preference to men, set the radius to 100 miles, and used up all of my right swipes. I think she's mad.
BUT DID YOU RIDE THAT DICK INTO THE SUNSET THO?
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
I want to find him again. His Corona tank top and I were made for each other.
Randomize