She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
After we finished he asked if I knew if it was a boy or girl. Diet. Starts. Now.
You just kept saying "I want my babies to look like you."
You are in charge of making sure that her vagina explodes with joy tonight.
I'm gonna give him birthday punches. On the dick. With my mouth.
Kyle found me outside his apartment in the hallway. Said he didn't hear me knock bt smelled alcohol through the door. I'm sucha bitch to my liver
Hey are you going to the pride parade? If so get me a shit ton of condoms
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Sexiest use of a semi colon this week, congratulations.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
The irony of the fact that I'm going to be starting my period on Thanksgiving. Something to truly be thankful for.
A drunk and bleeding peter is knocking on your door... in nothing more than a sombrero, boxers and cowboy boots.
Randomize
