Freshman orientation day on campus. Dear diary, JACKPOT.
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Their wedding is on my 21st birthday. I fail to see a way that this could end poorly.
I need to move out. I just walk of shamed my way into a family breakfast party. There's no response when grandma says "where you coming from in heels at 9AM?"
I wish a night of watching Dear John and a bottle of wine could cure my herpes.
When that rick ross song came on he started ripping up dollar bills and pouring out drinks on the floor. I'm all for ignorance but it was a little excessive for a wedding
apparently "preggers as fuck" isn't an appropriate way to describe someone...
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Only you could make a reflective vest look even remotely sexy
Every time Brady gets sacked I cum a little...
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
ALL I WANT IN MY MOUTH IS A GLORIOUS COCK SMOTHERED IN CHOCOLATE. DICK AND CHOCOLATE; IS IT TOO MUCH FOR A GIRL TO ASK FOR?!
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