just sold my soul for a pack of cigaroos. little do they know they got the short end of the deal. suckers.
my weekend in 10 words or less: hot friend of a friend, open bar, beach house, sore. In that order too.
I'm pretty sure that every show on ABC Family could be turned into a drinking game.
walking through the french quarter. a homeless guy just offered me a pigeon. gotta love new orleans.
We did it and he fell asleep and I was bored so I decided to go back to the party...is that bad?
Well its kinda hard to gift wrap an orgasm
Dick in a box?
NEW RULE: can't hook up with more than 50% of the groomsmen in wedding party or it becomes wrong kind of weird. NUMBERS GAME.
The real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch Buck Rodgers on Tuesday.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
we're the same shoe size and he owns more pairs of heels than i do. this could be the beginning of a beautiful friendship
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
I'm recreating the you're a wizard harry video with a guy on snapchat whilst having snapchat sex with another... Adulting is fun
got laid for being an eagle scout again. 4 more and ill have all my merit badges.
You were so drunk Last night you asked for your glasses so you could read the directions on a band aid
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
Randomize
