my periods are so regular now that they are sync-ed with my subscriptions of vogue.
my ass hurt today after the party last night. I wnt to the doctors and they found a coin in a ziplock bag with a note from you. WHAT THE FUCK DID U DO TO ME???
He said he wanted to see my room, not my womb. It's a common mistake.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
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Just think, this time last Cinco de Mayo you were holding me up and finding me passed out in the yard of that house.
Im in your car brotha dog. Its was unlocked, so im gonna sleep in it. well i mean i think its your car be your car.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
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Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
And please let him know I don't normally go off on long rants about feminist theory. That was totally the vodka talking.
Look, you don't know disfunction until you've sat on the john taking a shit and crying while totally sober.
I mean, I already put pants on today. We're already halfway there
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
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