if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
i love insurance, just had an iv with 4 bags of fluid, 2 shots of finagrin and a 2 hour nap . woke up without a hangover. all for $20
she likes to give head while listening to britney spears, getting blown by a girl with headphones on is a nice level of separation
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
It looks like the misc $300 credit card fraud might have been our taxi cab driver who wouldn't take boobs as payment. No wonder...
I keep having to have that awkward "I don't want to have sex with you" convo. I thought wearing sweatpants was suppose to prevent this situation..
Those two lesbians inspired me. A whole new way to roll. Fuck shots. Gallons of vodka is the new tequila.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
A man just squeezed past me in a tight space and said, "Excuse us."
His new girl is probably classy and boring. I bet she doesn't feed him sour patch kids while she wiggles his weiner.
I can't dude. Last time I was there, I blew the bartender in the bathroom at last call.
you bounced a quarter off my butt and it came back hitting you in the eye. karma, bitch.
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