Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
I dont remember anything after Tequila & Apple Juice. May have disovered the recipe for mental bleach.
You called me twice to tell me that you spit in your own eye, when I was right next to you.
My last google search last night was 'vodka swimming pool'.
We were naked in his bed when he asked me "what should we do?"
Solid teamwork gives us a good shout of both bringing home trophy cougs
I swear I can feel something in my uterus. Like, I can feel his sperm searching for an egg. Wtf...
Yeah..I guess you know your hair looks like shit when TSA asks to inspect it
I'm a college student and my dad gets more ass than I do..... do you see a problem here?
All I want to do is ice my pussy, but then my husband would probably infer that I was not at a business meeting last night.
I didn't know what to say so I just sent him a chicken emoji
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
I'm officially removing you from my nudes recipient list on snapchat.
did you call me last night and say you were being kidnapped?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
Randomize
