like a sex slave...but with a better dental insurance plan
He had me believing he was actually British until he came and used his real voice.
Down at Ground Zero right now. So many people here. It's the most patriotic game of grabass Ive ever seen.
You'd be proud of me. They tried to give me bread to sober up, but I told them no, im on a diet.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You weren't just peeing. You were like grinding on it. And you tried to pee in the washing machine first.
All I I know is that there's 2 new contacts in my phone. Drunk Backdoor and Gayass Handshake. Thanks, Jameson.
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't have any bail money, if that's where this conversation is going
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
The dentist walked in on me trying to bottle some laughing gas to take home with me. That high.
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