Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I feel like I had a lobotomy last night. I blacked out. Did we try to stick my Penis in a beer bottle?
you cant just puke in an arbys and not order food. thatd be rude.
I lost my keys but found four buffalo wings in my pockets
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
If i want her back i know all i have to do is sleep with a specific handful of her closest friends. That method is tried and true.
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Yeah, you're right, it's a conspiracy against you. This small tight knit group of people who don't like assholes.
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
Let's play another riveting game of "Whose boxers are hanging on my fence?"
I am descending into that finals week rage fueled by ramen, mountain dew and bad sex is what's up.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
if wiping your ass w an envelope isnt the definition of hitting "financial rock bottom " then nothing is!
It was like Strip poker and blow, but with Yu-Gi-Oh cards
Randomize
