god I wish I could record you sometimes, you're so neurotic
I just used Master P to describe what sound the letter U makes to my daughter...
bowling with tennis balls and shot glasses. whatever you dont knock down after 2 rolls, you drink.
Just bought two budlight beers with a can of tuna at the bar
Sunburnt clitoris. How do I deal with it.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
If a Romanian girl's marriage isn't considered legal in the US then she's fair game right?
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
But you've got to admit , for how blackout I was I look fucking unreal in those pictures
This hangover is so bad, we are pregaming Chinese food with pizza.
You would be so proud at how green we're being. Re-using last night's jello shot containers.. saving the world one step at a time
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
Randomize
