Whiskey dick.
Yea dude! Love it. Hate it. Have it.
Everyday of my life.
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
You know... If I put the same amount of effort into school as I put into giving women orgasms I would be a Rhodes scholar
Doctor took one look at my penis and said, 'you don't have herpes, you just masturbate too much'
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
plus there's no nice way to tell a guy you physically hate the shape of their cock.
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
Sorry for trying to baptize you last night
You knew the entire thing in Latin I was so impressed
It might be the most honest thing I've ever said. ...or I've had 3 vodka tonics.
If ur gunna go fuck a guy that's in the baseball hall of fame do you need to shave your legs? I'm so lazy
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