It was at that point the crowd that gathered realized i wasn't getting arrested, and passed the sobriety tests. I got a standing ovation from 25 strangers
bro...we were banging on her floor and her dog walked in and started licking my balls
I walked into my house this morning to find an 18 pack on the counter. I think that's gods way of ringing the bell for round two.
I was on hold waiting for customer service at verizon so we obviously we had enough time to have sex, i just put the phone on speaker
They asked if I wanted to shotgun a beer and before i could ask who had a knife they all had bit holes into the cans. Im never leaving Germany!
I swear after i took it all i did was scream for four hours
it took me 7 solid minutes to realize "egggGSaucetingf" meant "exhausting"
currently pooping in a public restroom while drinking free beer. there has never been a finer line between awesome and depressing.
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Pro: she asked me to be a bridesmaid. Con: i only have about nine months to get over a phobia of midget strippers.
He started french braiding my hair while I was blowing him. The question is not why, but how.
I was going to try being motivated today. But then I took a hit while still in bed.
I couldn't read the menu. I ordered the first thing I was able to read. Don't think I ate anything. Left $20 on the table.
The cops high fived after they tackled you
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
