I feel like our house is getting pulled over.
Last night I apparently send my boss a picutre of my boobs. On the bonus part I got a raise today. So I just want to thank your parents for naming you Jeff cuz if I was not so hammered last night I would have sent it to the right one.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
Yea went to the bars and he called me 2 hours later with random people saying he is at a place that i don't think exists
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
i wish i just like had a pee bag attached to me and i could just go whenever i want wherever i want
I approve. Last time I was there, I left E's room to get a drink of water. Found M sitting on the kitchen counter in his boxers hammered and eating a banana. He proceeded to feed me the rest of his banana then went to bed with the lights on. You two will be great.
I should have bailed a long time ago. I mean, he has a bible verse-a-day app next to his dick pics in his phone.
I think he's holding my wallet hostage because I puked in his car. It's not my fault he has child locks on his windows..
Note to self: Never spend $8 on a liter of rum again
whatever bro. i had ice cream and whiskey for breakfast and its noon. this is the second worst christmas ever.
You know you suck at relationships when you are sitting in the airport on Christmas day, alone, swiping on Tinder.
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
Randomize
