Too late. I'm going over there. I'm a bad example for all women: Do as I say, not who I do.
So I went out tonight...met a guy who slightly resembled my dad,huge creeper, he asked me to "hang out" so I gave him my moms number since he was more her type:)
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
If you call getting home safe by sprinting down Spanish Harlem barefoot still rolling then ya I made it
The reality is I'm 24 and I have terminal breast cancer. Fuck yeah I'm going have sex with every hot guy I can. What, am I gonna worry about getting an STD or pregnant at this point? If I'm gonna die, I want to have any many big dicks as I can while I'm still able.
Thank you. Next to bondage, soft American Apparel t-shirts are the best things you've taught me about.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
But the sex is so much better when he already has a girlfriend
A 3am FaceTime to go to IHOP is the closest thing to a bootycall that I'm getting
He said that he made a girl squirt to the ceiling and I got curious
Woke up this morning to a bunch of snapchats of you drunkenly yelling at grasshoppers. Good night?
That's Danny the boy who threw up in the Doritos bag
My one night stand ended up seeing me the next morning... For my interview. Guess who got a job.
Its like your face is a pile of corn and I'm a chicken
...What??
Sorry, Geoff can’t come to his phone right now. He’s outside trying to show his dick to a bachelorette party bus with “DTF” written on the windows
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