at FSU your more likely to get an STD than a parking spot
I Just paid off the bartender to help me convince this chic my roommate's gay. This is the best cockblock ever.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
The fact that both my ribs are severely bruised from shoving flasks in my bra might be a validation of my mothers alcoholic accusation
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
I broke down outside of an all boys correctional facility
well if that's not a gay porn waiting to happen, i dont know what is...
I feel like on the last day of finals we should run around campus dressed like Moses screaming "LET MY PEOPLE GO!!!!"
I'll start the recruiting
That was the night you tried to convince me you threw up your sould because your throwup was black
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
I've already come to terms that I'm gonna have to bone a few gross librarians, but hey, it's college
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
I told her I'd rather set my hair on fire than sleep with her again. In retrospect, that was probably too harsh. My eye is still swollen shut.
I'm either hallucinating or there is a dying cat outside my apartment....
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