Seriously, I would hit on barney the dinosaur right now if it meant I was going to get laid.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
Its against the rules to not make you aware of his virgin situation prior to penetration
i sat alone in my bed and ate pizza and garlic fingers. The icing on the cake was hearing your moans from down the hall.
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
i dont care. it has been a 14 hour day, and we are all celebrating by alternating shots and grilled cheese.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You played a drinking game to fat people crying. It's a long climb to the moral high ground, why bother?
I was ashamed to still be in my green tank this morning, but there's a guy here in full on bright green pants and a green blazer. He looks like the lucky charms guy stretched out at drunker than usual. Now, I fade into the background.
The bartender said he wanted to turn you gay, and we got free shots the rest of the night
somebody should make me the poster child for not drinking everclear..
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
Just remember: We don't tell our English professor about our fetishes unless she specifically asks about them.
YOU HAVE TO STOP TELLING BARTENDERS WE DON'T HAVE MORAL STANDARDS
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
Randomize
