I love you and miss you, which in no way dimishes how much I hate the person you turned out to be, but I still love and miss you.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
For a day that started with shitting my pants, things turned out fairly well.
So guess who had sex in a Ghostbusters sleeping bag.
This beer is not sobering me up at all
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I can't find the keys to get out of my front door, there are random socks in my bicycle basket and I can see a plastic handle of cheap vodka sitting on my porch. oh, and my head just broke u with me.
Breaking into his house to steal the sheets I'd drunk pissed on before he got home was not how I wanted to be spending spring break
you'll probably come home to me baked as fuck and shirtless
I've never had sex that lasts this long though. It's ridiculous. I feel like I need a Gatorade and a sweatband and a sub.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
dude if looks could fuck you two would've been naked in front of everybody
God knew I'd have horrible taste in men, so made me asexual to ensure I'd never fuck them.
Randomize
