let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
mmmm my 21st bday fucking sucks all my best friends are pregnant...selfish assholes. they just couldnt wait til after my bday.
made out with three guys on the first night of college orientation, just imagine what joys all of next year will hold
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
I just figured you know how to drive a boat and I know how to get drunk. What can go wrong
I'm at about main and main street
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
She is larger then a hippo. You could cut her open in the middle of a blizzard and crawl in like Luke skywalker. Throw a couch and a tv in there and you're set
Did the vodka turn my hair yellow or did something else happen last night?
Dude, you punched me in the face bc I wasnt ordering your tbell fast enough. Then when you got it, you threw it out the window bc, and I quote, "OBAMACAREEEE!"
Nope. Flying out tonight. Staying with my great aunt who is an ex nun turned hostel owner. Best and likely most dangerous St. Patty's Day to commence in 10 hours. IRELAND!
Be safe. And I hate you.
He gave me a script of norcos and touched my balls so overall it's been a good day.
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
At least get laid and waffle fries out of it you whipped basterd
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