Blow job in a bar bathroom for my Thing 1 while in a onezie dressed up as Thing 2. Best Halloween ever.
I bet the Cat in the Hat never caused mischief like that.
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
sex on the roof is not as easy as it sounds
Drunk at a girls little league game. Hello summer.
You kept saying thank you to the automatic toilet as it flushed your puke.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
I just took a shower and found half a cookie melted under my boob. Please tell me there's a reason
You almost set me on fire last night.
You probably deserved it.
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
And on a positive note i found a list that i made in 3rd grade titled "what to do if you want a guy to like you"
You spent an hour sitting naked in your neighbor's Jeep Wrangler yelling in a terrible British accent about how you were "on a safari". Then you passed out on your lawn.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
You don't need yoga. You need a boyfriend! Trust me I've become all sorts of flexible this past year.
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