I bet he comes in French.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
Please tell me what happened last night... specifically who told me it was a good idea to pee in my shoe.
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
we should hire that guy that makes pancakes that we met last weekend for our next party. He can feed us, and regulate!
I just realized how early it is, you're taking this booty call thing to a whole other level. also, there are altoids all over my room, that was weird
I may or may not have traded your body to the rodeo's owner for free beer.
I don't know if it is the Everclear or chemistry, but i think my brain is coming out of my ears.
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
If you can't beat em, make them send you dick pics so they can't do anything stupid again.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
Who's phone is in my pants and why did I wake up clutching a handle of vlad?
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
