i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
your all-time low pick up line was when you asked a girl "Are you rock-staring at me?"
I need a booty call who doesn't know my boyfriend or my friends.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I know. It's cray. Crayon. Crayolaaaaa.
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
You guys wanna start around 10:30 tomorrow?
We can start at 5am for all I care. You ask like I have plans.
im far more worried about your salsa intake than your weed intake
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
Can we go to the gas station to get cigarettes before we get drunk. It's hard enough to say Marlboro sober.
I associate the Game of Thrones theme song with his dick now.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
I swear I only fuck him for the huge bottle of smart water he gives me afterwards.
Randomize
