we were naked in his bed and he told me all about what a "baller" alexander the great was.
we need to start a braincell conservation fund for you, sort of like save the whales or something.
He came inside me, looked me in the eye and said, "Happy Mother's Day"
Fucked Zombie Jesus at a Halloween party. I need Plan B before I give birth to the Antichrist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just want to go to their admissions office and show them the video of him taking the flaming shot, and be like yeah...you let in the kid who lit his entire face on fire over me.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
His penis smells like laundry I just wanted to cuddle it
Im calling you paparazzi cause of all the dick pics you take of your one night stands ps loved the panoramic one!
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got so drunk last night that I drunk texted myself. "hand jobs are the currency of the future"
The security deposit's gone, let's trash this motherfucker
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
God if that man would just have sex with me every time I got mad life would be so much easier...
I started keeping track of my period when I realized you had a better grasp of it than me.
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