what time did you get home last night?
SO late...when your in the lap of a 35 year old superstar you loose track of time
He said to me " i could be your father but i dont care"...it was so hott
I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
I thought I had fell out of his trailer but he says I tried to ninja kick his TV stand saying those girls hula hooping were trying to seduce him. There wasn't anyone else there.
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
Telling me its the beginning of school is like telling me the crown royal fairy has come back from vacation.
He said he got laid, but you and i both know he was too high to leave his house.
How did I end up in the pool?!
Welcome to ASU
My middle name is suave and my vagina shoots rainbows, what else would you expect?
Quick!! What's a good reason for me to have rug burn on my chin?
Can you explain the plethora of sunflower seeds in the dryer?
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
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