you dont want to live with me, im always naked, a chronic masturbator, a bit of a voyeur and will likely touch you while you sleep. ps- i can pick locks
Awww my brother is growing up soo fast!! He just gave me the, "I know you're high but I won't tell mom n dad" look!
she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
I will show your tits more attention than Michael Jackson's death.
He wears a hat. All the time. Even during sex. And I'm okay with that.
Bruce the cab driver wants to take me on a date to see Taken 2
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
I hate being the only medical professional in the group. I always end up patching you guys or being the DD when I'm on call. I have problems I need to drown in booze too...
For an hr, you were convinced you no longer had a right arm so you played Super Mario Bros with just your left hand vs Beth. You won btw, mite b why she refused to wear the unicorn head
He told me that his greatest skill was making White Russians.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
Randomize
