Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
I think my fart just growled at me.
Reach down the front of your pants and feel around for a while. When you find your balls, leave the library and meet me at the bar.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Ya but I plan to getting arrested more towards the end of summer
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
Ever had someone sing happy birthday to you during sex?
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
My phone autocorrects "pooping" to "popping" and I'm like DO YOU EVEN KNOW ME??!
Yeah he told me he wanted a serious relationship, but he's posting pictures of his dick on Kik.
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. It doesn't matter what it's about. Last text was about a homeless dude
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
Black labs can get you to do pretty much anything...even approach strange men in their bath robes
Randomize
