Me liking this guy is the best diet ever. Do I want this cookie...or do I want to get laid.
I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
I'm wearing cowboy boots and showing way too much cleavage to be in a place with no jaeger.
well we could tame deer to let us ride on them. does that work?
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
no one ever believes me when I try explaining to them that your straight. I'm all like, "yeah that's his girlfriends dress he's stretching out"
idk i just feel really unsatisfied. like something's missing from my life... maybe it's chicken nuggets...
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
it was a hallmark card with butt plugs.
I just got a snapchat of a flaccid penis with the caption "happy belated valentine's day." What did I do to deserve this
You're up at 3AM, right? I have a very important question.
You know the Wendy's on route 6, by Kohls? Do you know if it has a drive through?
Yes it does.
thanks for supporting my whoreish tendencies
Is it a bad thing when vodka doesn't taste like vodka anymore?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
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