Good. I was naked most of the night. But sometimes I would wear my tux vest...But only my tux vest. It was classy
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
finally cleaned my dorm for the first time all year. bleach is awesome.
So last night ended up making out with a girl going to jail on sunday...she wrote down her address so I can make conjugal visits...
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I'm not surprised. You have the libido of an Italian soccer team.
All these girls I talk to are like I've never had a hangover and I'm like you don't drink right here let me show you
She said we "made love." I had to explain to her that when both parties agree that the first time time they have sex both people agree to video tape the whole thing its not "making love" but more like random good time fun sex.
Have you ever stopped and thought "I do NOT want to be inside of this person right now. Or ever." Because you should.
You rubbed a frozen pizza in my face. The concerning part was that it was semi cooked from our body heat
so go get some goddamn bacon and lay in his bed naked. he'll love it.
Wine and a Lunchable. That would be depressing if it wasn't the pepperoni and mozzarella one. Those are the shit!
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
Ate 3 ghost peppers and chased them with Everclear last night. Currently on the toilet cursing the universe and everyone in it.
He fucked me so hard my contacts fell out! Didnt know that was possible.
Randomize
