I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Im starting to think including a smiley face in texts may or may not be a code for 'lets have sex'
Im going to research this theory. . .
No, I didn't like him that much. But I took one for the team. And by the team I mean me and my vagina.
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Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I mean, I can get to know him eventually. The time frame doesn't really matter. I'll have sex with him regardless of whether he's interesting or not.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
I shit you not. I was sitting on Brian's balcony...still drunk from the night before, and a hummingbird flew onto the patio, stared me right in the face and flew away. I feel like it was God's way of telling me, "Stop drinking."
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I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
also my alarm just went off. I am always amused at what time drunk me decides to wake up.
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
I lost a bet last night, now I have to name the baby Fetty Wap, regardless of gender. Riley is going to kill me.
Her cop pants made me imagine I was riding a unicorn and by unicorn I mean her face