Wow that girl who lives a couple houses down is going out wearing butterfly wings a skirt and fishnets
Earlier, I saw a homeless man that looked like Abe Lincoln, and I just saw a guy walk past wearing crocs and socks. I'm beginning to like this city less and less
My dad just sent me a text telling me to "say hi to all the luscious bitches" at the gay bar. Guess this explains my childhood
I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
21 Porn Stars Confess What Sex Is Really Like On Set
Circus confirmed... Jello shots before 9 pm are not cocktails for sucess
she just took a shower. i'll probs go down on her to encourage shower taking. it's like pavlov, you know?
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
i thought to myself 'what a productive day'. then i realized all ive done is one load of laundry and shaved my balls.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
19 People That Found Pubes In All The Wrong Places
I told the girl in his bed not to bleed on his sheets like the last one.
Be there soon... with munchies, blow jobs and shoulder rubs.
can't blv i tried using a "backpack" as a unit of measurement...i drank a lot of beer last night
Do you think making a dress out of an "Open" flag that my friend stole from a bar, and wearing it out sends the wrong message? ....Or exactly the right message?
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?