yo i stole a wine glass from the ritz but i spilled wine on my hundo dolla shirt
Just saw my gyno in public. Weird to see her hands outside of my vagina.
my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
I know I'm not learning anything when I can't even spell the name of the class I'm taking
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
dude. she was texting with her nipple. I love touch screen phones!
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
Last time I stayed at my moms my fucking car got set on fire sooo maybe I should think this through.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
where are you?
talk to ya later, gotta sled down these stairs real quick
Youre the drunk baby that everyone wants to take care of.
my dad pointed to my full beer and said drink up we're leaving now.
can you adopt me?
to have them in my mouth would be like meeting a unicorn while floating on a cloud of glitter
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume