what, no i told him that it wasnt nessesary to put all 5 fingers in my vagina
I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
He keeps apologizing for not being able to get hard when he's drunk. We havent even left the club yet.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
oh but the power of the cock will take you to places you never been..i flew to hawaii once to sleep witha chick
on todays agenda: meeting with a life coach then going to the dollar store to buy batteries for my vibrator. clearly im still unemployed.
I just wish I could congratulate your tits on how much I love seeing them
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
I immediately knew he was tripping, he came over with a grocery bag of snow balls and a bike helmet on and asked if I was prepared to die for my country.
I got slapped by a drag queen and bitten on the arm by either a random girl or a weird mouth shaped dog. Tough to tell without seeing the teeth
So the tow truck driver didn't charge us because Ian convinced him that he was sent out by God to share his cocaine with us.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
UGH I HATE BEING THIS WAY IM GOING TO GO HUG THE CACTUS YOU GOT ME
I knew how high you were when you put a french fry in your mouth and said 'fuck, this tastes like meat but feels blue.'
Randomize
