haha it's okay then, bc he only killed a canadian, they're not real people
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
An ad on my facebook says "don't be THAT girl". Its like it knows.
what kind of dress can i wear to my high school reunion that says "even though i'm more successful than all of you i'm still up for sex"?
They only remember me when they're drunk...I'm like a suppressed memory.
After all you put him through, I think it was only right that you saluted the bartender when you left.
I thought the one perk of the low caliber of men I've slept with thus far in my college career is that I would never run into them in the library. I've been here for ten minutes and we're on number three.
I realized last night, I never talk dirty in German during sex. How much wasted potential is that?
Dude you went around coming up behind people and whispering in their ears. I dont know what you said but they looked terrified when you left.
those kids just got delivered to the party by the pizza guy
How is there no taco emoji?! That's some bullshit.
YOU MAKE ANAL SEX SOUND LIKE A SPORTING EVENT
There are two guys dressed like Spartans from 300 at this bar and they're making out and I needed you to know this
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
Randomize
