We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
oh no you fucking didn't eat my mac and cheese you cunt
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
I was scoping hash out of our weed jar with a spoon and I realized we need to buy actual utensils. This plastic shit is killing me I've broke 3 spoons
Like her Facebook page isn't even hers. It belongs to her tits. It's Titsbook
She said "I've been waiting to suck your cock since high school." I'm so glad so many freshmen are from our school.
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I actually haven't slept with anyone in a while. I think my whore phase is just seasonal.
Easy. Go to walmart, buy a bag of charcoal. everyone gets a present and it's cheap.
You could see the bone sticking out of his shin and he insisted he was "just gunna walk it off"
He ain't mine yet. Gotta have a third date before I pee on him and mark territory.
Oh. Wait. That happened on the second date.
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Randomize
