Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
im already regretting the extreme lack of break up sex that took place
Fucking finally I'm about to die from sobriety over here
Also, you peed on your hand last night. Id just like to point that out
My liver is crying. And I feel like I got fingered by Edward Scissorhands. While he was wearing brass knuckles
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I've started budgeting for next year. It looks like I'll be crying tears of dollar bills and handing them over to pay back my unholy college debt.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I mean go ahead and let your freak flag fly but if you could not fly it in my bed that would be great
Okay well for one he didn't speak any english but before any happened he made me use the translator to consent
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
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