he's chasing his jose cuervo with hot tub water
What would Jesus do? ... Jesus would slap a ho.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
I wish I could sell my textbooks directly to my drug dealer and cut out the middle man
how did i get to the car and why are my shoes broken
Last time I heard from you, you were double fisting strawberry milk and wine. Answer this text so I know you're still alive. Bonus points for a coherent answer.
Just watched a drunk girl hand her valet ticket to a cop and walk away.
He's def the type to chop us into bits whilst screaming "NAPA BITCH". AKA my type
Going to the u of w I constantly have that moment of, oh hey I felt you up at that rave at folk fest that one time. Winnipeg is too small.
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
This is either the best idea i've ever had or the worst. stay tuned.
Slept on the bathroom floor again. I hope when I turn 28 I’ll stop doing that
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