Mel Gibson is dating a 24 year old
You're not Mel Gibson and I'm not 24.
I just want dick. Yours just gets priority because it is glorious
I can't even go pee because I'm making sure he doesn't run off somewhere naked.
Don't worry, your car is safe with me. I am throwing watermelons out of it at mailboxes and hipster kids.
I pulled my bra outta my purse. Covered in honey mustard. I still lack an explanation.
I just witnessed my first non cocain induced sunrise in five years.
Not my cup of tea
i got to hold a baby today and i loved it and i want a baby but actually i'm going to make an appointment to get birth control now.
I feel like cursing someone's first born child right now. Like I wanna maleficent some bitch.
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
I'm watching the World Cup in bed naked with john and our USA flag aviator glasses. Can you say America?
Bourbon is too strong for my cat, he does not want to drink it
Your english degree would kill itself if it could read that text.
maybe a couloe typos.. noooooooooo big deal
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
SUFFER THE WRATH OF THE PISS BAG
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