Encyclopedia Brown and the case of the missing condom.
I hope Brown isn't a clue to its whereabouts.
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
how the FUCK am I supposed to macarena while doubble fisting?
he just called me skinny, hes either trying to get laid, or i'm going to have to marry this man
It's like a mixture of two words
"town" and "Im too drunk to spell right now"
so, the parking garage attendent caught us humping in the car. long story short, we have free parking whenever we want! take that abstinence.
Hate the very realistic pregnancy dreams. Like my dream when I birthed the pirate ships. SO REAL...
I used puppy pads next to the couch for her to throw up on....
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Saved a life and got us a free vacuum cleaner (and learned vacuum is not spelled "vacumn"). Get on my level.
ARE YOU SAYING THAT YOU DON'T WANT TO GO TO A PARTY AT AN ADULT STORE WHERE A BUNCH OF HOT GIRLS ARE DRINKING
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
you blew the guy with all the harry potter paraphanelia didn't you
Don't try to butter me sideways
That is without a doubt the most Southern thing you have ever said.
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