If everyone lived like me, we would need 5.9 earths. Fuck yes america.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
Gym doesn't open till 11. I'm sure that of the other four people waiting in the lobby, I'm the only one still drunk and only going to the gym to shower.
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
she just built a cabin out of hotdogs and cooked it in the microwave.
now she is shaking the plate and mumbling "this is what california must feel like"
I don't appreciate you drunk dressing passed-out me in spandex for bed
Are we responsible for the snowmen doing it doggy-style in my front yard?
The fuck-me-pumps were hot, the XL hoody kinda ruined it.
I was gonna buy a KIA, but then I remembered how awesome the sex was in the back of a Hyundai so I went with that.
So the guy I hooked up with during welcome week just tried to booty call me from across the lecture hall at 9am. I don't think he gets how this works...
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
Dick very happy bro
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
He hit me with his bagpipe
Isnt that against the lesbian handbook?
Randomize
