I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
Legitimately semi-blackout across the table from the governor off a chardonnay i can't even pronounce.
The taxi driver was cool until you left. He then started blasting enya and telling me I look like I need another line.
What a dumb baby whore.
He asked for a foot job. Whatever. I guess I'm swimming in new slut waters tonight.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Yah... You need to get here. Evan just peed off the karaoke stage.
I know what you meant. If you want babies in time for your birthday, we gonna need either a time machine or a ski mask.
Idk what the interview would be like but I imagine you in a suit and tie surveying a nervous freshman and eventually leading him into a labyrinth of debauchery and clapping him on the back, saying "welcome to the fraternity, son"
People who don't like drugs and guac are not people I chose to associate with
I just wanna get drunk and watch Tarzan with you is that to much to ask?!?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
Dude I love you. So much. Thank u. I'm safea. In allysi lns car. Mine towed. If u loved me ud leand me 500 in the morning. Sleep on it nd let me know.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
