I just single handedly caused ferngully by printing the wrong 900 page document
i woke up this morning cuddling with a 3 foot statue of Jesus. heaven here i come
He was telling me how the song fireflies makes him feel like he can talk to animals
i convinced her i was a yoga teacher by showing her some warm-ups my high school track coach made up
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I turned down free cocaine. I both respect and regret and that decision.
Getting high magically turns headaches into rainbows.
There's a time and a place for everything. Except for getting wasted at a work event, puking in the parking lot, and sleeping in your car overnight.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
Ski vacations are for hooking up with randoms. It's like I don't even know you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You were drunk it couldn't have been that bad
I've never been drunk enough to enjoy getting a blister on my dick.
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
Also there's a home game tomorrow and I thought about holding up a sign that says, "I madeout with #64 during orientation week" would that be inappropriate??
I have a 8 minute video of a fish tank on my phone.
We need to stop going to pet stores high.
I threw up vodka and borscht. I'm done with life...I threw this up in a McDonald's bathroom btw.
The whole country is going to hell in a handbasket but I got a grade A fucking and don't particularly care.
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