You mean 'full wolf form' wasn't a drunk text?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Just know that as we speak i am injecting vodka into gushers
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
You were jumping on the trampoline and screaming that you couldn't feel the fire.
dude you said you were going to be a human flag and climbed the telephone pole and fell in front of a car
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
I felt guilty, it was so good!
Guilty? Oh great, I give the Jewish mother-in-law of blowjobs.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
Strangers are buying me shots and I got hit on by lesbians. How is it only tuesday
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I've never been so tempted to check my phone during sex in my life.
1 why did you tell them where i peed last night and 2 where the fuck are you
He bent me in ways I couldn't imagine.. and im a gymnast.
Randomize
