i barely touched his dick and all of a sudden he yells, "BONER!"
We were doing it doggy style, and I puked on the floor and started crying, he told me it was okay his cat would eat it... and if it would make me feel better we could do anal...
And they lived happily ever after....
he told me my vagina needed a tic tac
the best part is my dad got arrested for the same thing at the same bar 30 years ago... so he cant be mad
If I had a nickel for every time my parents threatened to stop paying tuition I would be a very rich man. Rich enough to pay my own tuition.
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
I feel like royalty, that girl from last night had a vajazzled vag. Bucket list complete.
Yes, that was ME getting carried out of the club singing 'i believe i can fly'
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I do feel like I owe you an apology for trying to fuck your dad last night but in my defense everyone knows I shouldn't drink tequila.
his first act of 2015 was getting stabbed
A seagull just tried to steal my cellphone
I always want to see you. Honestly my only hesitation is that my ass is still kind of sore from Sunday 🥺
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