it sounded like he was fisting a can of crisco.
I feel like abortions should bother me more
She sang Bad Romance to me. Not really the answer I was looking for.
Well he's not a stripper, so we're already doing better than my last date.
She opened a beer bottle with her armpit and then gave me a cigarette from the waistband of her underwear. I dont know if I want to be her or marry her.
I don't know if its because i'm stoned or what but painting my kitchen yellow makes it look crooked
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
we cut her off and put her in bed but by the time we got back to the drinks she was already there shirtless. she's the topless tequila ninja
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
i have at this current moment imbibed enough alcohol to float immerse or otherwise submerge a goat of respectable size. tequila
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
Hey start looking around for a low rider Subaru. Well get a loan. It will be capital for our first music video.
Can you come get me? I woke up in the woods behind the Super 8. I have pizza.
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
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