She went from zero to smokin in five shots
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I swear that men would be more efficient if they had a semen gauge on their penises
I don't know at least half of his name. I have officially become a statistic.
He said something pertaining to Ragu and vodka I'm worried
I smell like booze and the valet literally buckled me in, def top 3 walks of shame
Yeah, I probably scared him away when I drunkenly told him we'd have beautiful children
just got in my apt...and theres jungle juice here i left from over a month ago..this could be interesting...or deadly
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
AFTER I licked the bald guys head they told me we weren't playing
He doesn't drink liquor so instead of doing a body shot off my belly button he dropped water in there and sipped it out with a straw. Look at my face: =|
so I ate shit in the bar and took a barstool down with me and this guy helped me up and I just started making out with him. I need to stop meeting men like that
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
Randomize
