u just dont fucking get it...you try and cum while your cat is staring at you.
You wouldn't stop crying and screaming Hilary Duff doesn't deserve Gossip Girl
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
Okay, good. And if you have one of those portable strip poles that would be nice too.
And here i was gonna offer you a complimentary blowjob.
do you think its obvious that we spent all afternoon playing naked body oil twister?
told our landlord the hole in the wall was from your head during drunk sex..
how did he take it?
not as well as i would have thought
Great way to live...just blowing loads on upholstery
Kristy just reminded me that I have a bottle of champagne to lick off your ass hole...... This is by way of saying that we have plans on Friday.
can i bring anything?
Any of the following: Sex doll, side dish, fruits/vegetables that look like dildos, beer
is there a theme i should know about?
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I JUST GOT WOKEN UP TO HIM PISSING ON ME SAYING "IT HAS TO HAVE WATER TO GO TO THE BATHROOM" AND AFTER HE FINISHED HE DIDNT REMEMBER DOING IT
So, just how hungover are you?
Not at all, surprisingly.
That has to be your X-Men power.
She shouldn’t care what consenting adults do behind closed doors
You do realize it was her husband you were hooking up with behind that door, right?
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