i stole $50 bucks from my girlfriends purse to pay for my other girls abortion pill...shes gonna be pissed
woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
just ask for directions from a guy with a penis drawn on his window
i think you walked me home, then i felt bad for putting you through the trouble so i walked you home...i'm not sure how i got home after that.
You have proved your worthiness to join me on the quest of taking shots at every academic building on campus by showing up drunk to our test at 12:30 today
Please come fuck me. I had the worst sex of my life the other night and I need to be reminded that sex is actually enjoyable
So yeah she lost her virginity in a wheel chair with a broken pelvis. I'm still trying to figure out how I should feel about that.
UPDATE: WE WILL BE HITTING THE BATMAN PINATA WITH A SWORD
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
He? As in you personified your dick?
Fuck you. You were a total asshole last night.
We will get to that, but can anybody tell me whose fucking socks I am wearing?!
Today will be the day I throw up in my backpack in the middle of class
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
Wow. I want to climb Santa. You've made my mind go places I wasn't prepared to explore.
might I remind you I fucked a 21 year old and almost did coke with strangers? you definitely came out on top
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