I was wrong being drunk doesn't make accounting more interesting
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
it was like brushing your tongue but with a fucking long toothbrush.
I had to close one eye to read the questions on my final this morning. That hungover.
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We got a 5L jug of wine for 3 Euro. Italy was a good choice.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I promise not to drug you or anything. Please come to my birthday party.
Also. This Ativan makes me feel fearless. I think we need an exciting new hobby for when we take it. How do you feel about ghost hunting?
You climbed on top of the bar, shotgunned a 25oz fosters and screamed, Steve Irwin was a God amongst men.
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I tried to light my cup as a bong. I'm done drinking
How many hotdogs are you going to eat today?
THE LIMIT DOES NOT EXIST
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Tonight I'm getting fucked up for America because Lord knows we need it.
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
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