PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
I have no idea what happened after 2 AM. I woke up on my bike, in my bed, with a deep thigh bruise.
Oh my god, I hid a wine bottle in my boot.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
There is no way I am paying you $5 apiece for pot brownies you found behind a dumpster. $2, maybe.
Happiness for him is a different happiness than you can supply cuz you have life standards, morals and goals that dont include the bar or beer everynight.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I still think it's strange your mom saw me 93% naked with a Santa hat on and a raging boner. Tis the season right?
I just fixed my mom's tv over the phone in 2.17 minutes while high. I'm a fucking professional.
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
He couldn't undo my bra. He ended up breaking the clasp he clawed at it so long. We met on Tinder for God sake
So this is how i'm celebrating Easter? By eating chicken nuggets and masturbating all day. What a life.
The report specifies "melted cheese food" as the cause of the burns. Your pride, like your cock, isn't getting out of this without heavy damage.
Randomize
