Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
She got subburned last week and her bikini ties in the middle...when I took off her shirt, there was a sunburned bow between her boobs. Like a present. Happy birthday to me!
iPhone photo doodle is awesome. I gave my vagina some lazers and sent it to him. He has a whole series waiting on his phone for when he gets off the plane.
He kept yelling "osteoporosis" and threw milk at her because she broke her arm.
I apologize for getting really drunk, taking off my shirt, bitching someone out, crying, and breaking something at your party next weekend...
I dont know if this is a good time to tell you but im actually a freshman.. not a senior
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Do you think I could get someone from tinder to drive me to the airport?
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
Yeah i like want to be friends with him. And if we have sex in the physics library well thats fine with me
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
You are ridiculously similar to a unicorn, and I want to fuck that unicorn.
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
