I wish we had a justin bieber to wanna fuck when we were younger... But noooo we just had hanson
I'm in my boyfriends bathroom and I shit so bad, there was no toilet paper but his mom's clothes were on the floor and I wiped my butt on her underwear... now it looks like she sharted
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Ive seen teh same guy pissing in the corner. Twice. Its eally weird. My frieds gonna do th funnel. Im so excited for her! Love, cori. Cuz its lik a diary.
I'm expecting you to come by soon and a magical night of sex and floating on clouds to follow.
I don't know, I kept pretending that I was riding an elephant during. It was actually really fun, but you can't tell him that!
I've never been more scared for my virginity in my life. And I lost my virginity almost 6 years ago.
If you get that boat I will recruit some boat hoes for you and tape a video and sync it to I'm On A Boat. This is happening.
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
I just got a text giving me an hour window for when my vibrator is gonna be delivered. If that's not awesome customer service, I don't know what is.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Oh man I knew I took that Molly too soon, talkin to some Scottish people lol but don’t like rollin in pizza restaurants.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
So you're saying that I ended up challenging a dude to Uno then proceed to punch them in the face?
Randomize
