I was hooking up with him in my car, he wouldn't stop with my nipples, I had to literally beat him off of me. He kept groaning too while he was doing it. Sick.
Mommy issues
i just hope all the shady shit stops so i can let him into my pants
i wish there was a 'silent except for booty calls' volume level on my phone
I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
I don't think child baring hips is a compliment.
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
I don't care how many kiddie pools are in our house. One is too many.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
Whatever, consider condoms an eighteen year investment.
I could probably save all of the money I would have spent on condoms and put a kid through college.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
you ran up to the police and said "fuck the police shit we living in hell ". Then you dropped your Margarita and said "Darby Out" lol
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Is there a reason drunk me put drunk you's phone in the freezer?
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
Randomize
