Is it weird that we showed each other our pussy's and pointed out the good and bad things about each others??
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
27 Of The Most NSFW Life Hacks
Now I'm at the gym and I never want to leave. It's a combo of adderall and endorphins and I don't want it to go away
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
At least I will not still be rolling when I pick up this animal. Thats a good development in five years
Got a traffic ticket on the way home.. Literally cost me $171 to give him a blowjob. I swear the officer could smell the cum in my hair.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
23 Disturbing Small-Town Horror Stories
University has ruined us all. I just had to clarify the last time I had sex as "No, not at the party we crawled home from in the snow. It was the one where you puked off the balcony and hit the barbecue."
He walked into the bar, took a deep sniff and said "this place is fertile and ready for my seed" then calmly walked to the service area
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
somehow getting chased by a bulldozer was NOT on my to-do list for today. just saying