If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
I thought smoking would make her look better, but all it did was enlighten me to her snaggletooth
Sounds like a blessing in disguise
Do you realize that we tried to rent a limo at 5am to come and take us to waffle house?
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
Come over, we're having a tea party. And by a tea party I mean we're drinking whiskey from tea cups.
she put on her moms wedding dress and is chugging purple jolly rancher vodka, happy cyber monday
Sorry, but when you makeout with a guy in a panda suit, you know something has to change.
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
Well. Your father was, shall we say, privately surfing the Internet when he found a video of you and Kevin. This was on a very public website honey.
By the way, Kevin! OMG good catch honey!
I guess I can give it a shot. I usually just get belligerently drunk and go where my penis and feet lead me. No fights or getting too lost, so they seem to be doing a good job
He said I gave him the best head he's ever had and I bowed. I BOWED.
I was Jaeger weird. I was rolling on the floor pretending to be an Olympic gymnast and my name was Gina
The memory of your penis haunts me. I must learn to be satisfied with lesser men than you.
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it