Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I'm so over stopping myself from talking about my sexual experiences in front of children.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
85% positive I just found a hair of a certain variety wayyy in the back of my mouth between two teeth while flossing.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Just puked up hair, tacos and vodka. Hello Memorial Day weekend.
I just realized I turned down a booty call too. To make cheesecake. God help us all
Where is a good place to buy a New Year's outfit that acknowledges I don't have tits but screams I suck dick like a champ?
despite the cops showing up at 8am, pre gaming groundhog day was my idea yet. and by pre gaming, i of course mean getting black out drunk by 7:30am
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
So, I'm tripsitting Ruben cause he's on LSD, and he's starting to eat the chair because 'it is evil' according to him... I can't choose: should I stop him or film it?
I did not have sex with him because he had a puppy…finding out he had a husky pup waiting back at home was just an unexpected plus
I feel like there should be a 'roommate information section' of the paperwork when there's a chance you'll be given pain killers.