I can't find my pants or my car
I didn't even hookup I think I took them off at taco bell...
ha omg I always lose my dignity at taco bell as well... so no big deal.
Are we in a gay sports bar?
i hope thats the last time i ever see ryan's hairy ass fucking
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
The moment that kid turns 18, I will have his sperm for all three meals.
Oh God. You're going to jail
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
At beerfest, hammered, going to try to not get naked in public but i cant make any promises
My ex just called and told me that he is on his way to the hospital because he popped a vein in his dick. Should I go to the ER with him or class?
BEER BONG IN THE STOCKROOM COME IN TO WORK TODAY
Im having a christmas reunion party tonight. Last year i ate my own contact. We'll see how this year goes
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
It's like you're the one guy who got the "girls have clits" memo.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
True. So did you hook up with pasta or the ultimate warrior
Little bit of both
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important