pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
You would only drink if the space jam soundtrack was playing, you thought it was hilarious that before every shot you said "y'all ready for this".
I woke up on the steps beside a plate of spaghetti and a toilet paper roll ripped in half. And i actually think this day is gonna get better.
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
25 People Confess The Biggest Betrayal They Have Ever Faced
she smells like cat throw up and cupcakes. i'm trying to focus on the cupcakes but it's really. hard.
I'd like to introduce you to my friend, Moderation. Enjoy each other's company this weekend.
Your friend and I already don't get along
Is it too forward to say "stop being a good friend and start being a good fuck buddy"
I'm the brains and you're the boobs of this operation.
I just find it funny that nobody ever threatens to call the cops on us until we have a Harry Potter party
25 Odd Things These Pathetic People Do For Enjoyment
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
I may or may not vaguely recall punching you in the dick but it was a misunderstanding and I forgive you can we have make up sex?
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I wore my Gollum shirt. It struck up a conversation AND got him staring at my boobs. That's a win-win.
He sent me a meme at 3am. Usually guys just send me booty calls that late. I think I'm in love