i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I had sex with billy mayes last night. HE KEPT IN CHARACTER THE WHOLE TIME.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
we found you standing over and eating out of my neighbor's garbage can
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Plus I'm pretty sure you said "love you" on the phone, so technically I should be putting you on some type of probation
Pretty sure the nurse said at one point I was in full restraints because I tried surfing my stretcher
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I need a new pic for your contact id. Because your boobs popping up when I'm having dinner with my grandma or, ya know, when kids have my phone isn't so good.
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
Just took plan b with my eggs and chai...homecoming got the best of me already
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..