Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
I truly believe that the solid foundation of any healthy relationship is a drunken one night stand so I can just get all the nasty shit out on the table
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Dude next time u fuck on our counters will u please let me know BEFORE I make lunch.
I would let Bear Grills repel down a waterfall using my dick if I could go to sleep right now.
My cat clawed my face because i tried to give it a foot massage...never doing shrooms again.
And he came by and picked me up. We cuddled in his car then had sex until... an officer doing his rounds put a spotlight on crazy haired, naked me straddling him.
Like he was inside me when I made eye contact with a police man.
Do you congratulate someone for having bigger tits, or is that a no no?
I'm gonna eat more dunkaroos to cope with what's in my vagina.
We just fucked like crazy and now I'm dipping chips in macaroni & cheese. I feel completely accomplished. This may be the best day ever.
He made me watch a sex tape him and his gf made. They were in the shower when her roommate walked in on them. Not kidding: she asked to join in.
I hate him. He gets laid, my dick gets laughed at.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
You literally asked him, “Do you come here often? Do you want to visit my vagina?” With no hesitation
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
Randomize
