I went down on her for at least a half hour, She loved it, so I thought she'd recip. She said "I only do that if I know I'm getting something out of it."
SHUT IT DOWN.
we went through the mcdonalds drive through and you asked for a free sample of their fries to see how you liked them.
i need to break up with him. i realized this while i was making a mental grocery list while we were having sex. this is not the first time i've done that.
17 year olds will be the death of me.
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Not sure if he was actually hot or hot in a "he brought a live chicken to the party" kinda way but I got his # regardless
Is putting "Tonight I'm Fucking You" on my date playlist too forward?
I'm tripping balls on ambien right now and I still feel that's a bad idea.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
It was the needle in the haystack of teary, unpleasant handjobs.
Oh my god, are you sexting me while watching the Democratic debate.
100%
Now I'll never know if it was me that got you worked up, or Bernie Sanders' social policies.
I think this Canadian beach volleyball player might be my soulmate. We could check each other's shoulders for melanoma.
Act your age.
I am. I'm acting like a drunk 20 year old.
He's the first boyfriend I wouldn't cheat on. This is a really big deal for me
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
Randomize
