Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
Nothing says "I'm a sorority girl" like puking at 830 in the am, wearing my anti-hazing pin, and getting ready for a tea party.
Okay good. I don't want another mom thinking I got their daughter pregnant.
Well its all fun and games until you get naked with your ex in the shower. that's NOT flirting
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
my sex drive just dried up, fell out, and is rolling on the floor somewhere.
Hot date tonight for the first time in months and I just cut my dick shaving. PRAY FOR ME.
After my shift today I'm going on a bender. Not saying this so you'll stop me, just a heads up to invest in Tylenol, Gatorade, and Jack
Per my usual Thursday, I blacked out and slept on the stairs.
Drink water, eat food, and stop tazing yourself
Do NOT approach him. He has sex with everything. LITERALLY everything, and I DO mean everything. He's so horny we once caught him with his dick in a pumpkin. A legitimate honest to God pumpkin that he bored a hole in
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Randomize
