Bad news is im a slut again. Good news is its with people ive been a slut with before.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
Please stop using the dehumidifier for your weed.
I hope he didn't notice that my shirt was inside out when I told him I didn't have sex with the guy. Kind of a dead giveaway.
I just want to curl up with him and brush his hair and sing love songs together, I think you should come over and end this
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
well you don't shave your pubes into a handlebar mustache and keep the party to yourself
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
someday i'll meet a man and who loves me as much as i love getting drunk and starting fires
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
I'm not gonna lie. I need sex like plants need water right now. I just need the dick.
Randomize
