I puked a lego.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
I only have two playlists on my iPod. One for when im getting drunk, one for when I'm getting high. Is this something to be worried about?
In case you were unaware playing with rabbits on ecstasy is the greatest thing ever. I feel like I'm ODing on adorable right now.
the only way I will be happy is if my gallon spiderman bucket is full of either popcorn, nutella and peanut butter, or fried rice. CHOOSE WISELY.
I took her to the bar and boom. All of my past slump busters were there. Shes cool enough to know what that means and said she was afraid they'd eat her so we left.
I found one of your hair extensions on the dance floor. You put it back in your hair
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
He made me twerk for scrambled eggs... I regret nothing
I threw up through my nose tonight. Happy cinco de mayo
I'm just the girl with the breathalyzer keychain, and I embrace that.
I never imagine I'd say this, but can I ask Jeff for the butt plugs back even though it was a gift and we broke up?
Regardless I WANT TO BE YOUR SEX DISPENSARY. that is like the career I was born for.
i gotta say this to some one...... my penis feels sooooooooo sooooooft, its amazing
like for real, sooooooooooooooo smoooooooooooooth its amazing
I can't wait for you to read this text tomorrow
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
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