it was like one of those moments where the couple runs together and kisses and everyone in the airport claps. but instead of clapping an indian guy walked by and said 'ahhhright! get some!'
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
We've reached the point in our fuck buddy relationship where we are playing words with friends. This is too intimate.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
thanks again for a nice night (and please don't fuck my boss)
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
My new boobs got me 12 drinks at the concert. Whose the real winner here?
I mean I just feel if I'm not being fat and lazy then I'm not really being myself
He told me that when he bends me over that chair I remind him of a bull rider. So thanks for being the ex that helps my present sex life
a victory without nudity is not really a victory
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
Can you please bring the nipple sombrero up?
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
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