are we going to glenview for practice??
(3 hrs later) aids
where r u? what is story? im way too high right now
Billy Mays is dead too!
Somewhat annoying American icons better be watching their backs
I woke up laying in alphagetti with the message "I'd go get checked asap" written out in the letters.
I have fifteen cents in cash and 80 cents in the bank. BUT I have weed.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
A guy wearing a hard hat while floating the river. It's the most responsible drinking we saw all day.
do you have any idea how hard it is to keep a boner while another dude is writing on your dick in sharpie?
Dude. I knoww what ur thinking. Yes, your hand hurts. It's because you fell through a window. If and when you wake up, go to the hospital.
No night ever ends well that starts with "you know what this needs? More tequila".
Nope I went the fuck home like an adult
We had sex and I never took my mets hat off... I feel like Duda knows and approves.
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
million dollar idea: razor dispensers in bar bathrooms. your welcome, girls who didn't think they were getting laid tonight.
Who’s got two thumbs and just got laid in the administration building?
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
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