Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
Soooo my gf got the droid and doesn't have BBM anymore, I think its over for her
so she called me drunk and made me stay on the phone with her while she puked.
Reggie can tackle my bush.
He said if I stayed the night he'd take me to church in the morning.
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
there was 12 of us, girls included, shirtless and wielding swords as we bet on rock paper scissors in the middle of the bar. It was like Cinco de Mayo version of the Deer Hunter
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
He never gives up. He's like the fucking little engine that could of hook ups
I'm at work. It's margarita night. Someone literally just shouted "MURICUH!"
God bless us, everyone.
So, Kevin dropping me off at urgent care. Seems my tampon slipped out of reach. Even after he tried to get it out with some kitchen tongs.
you told me you wanted to be a soccer mom with a high tolerance then you put the bottle to your face
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Shes yelled my World of Warcraft name when we were having sex, I think marriage is next.
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