I got chris browned last night
He gave me an orgasm with his left hand...and he's right handed. Of course he's a keeper.
about 90% sure I fell off a roof. It hurts BAD. Don't suppose you're still in town?
yup haha I infact DID fall off a roof. Want some bomb ass omlettes?
Freshman Move In Day, its like Christmas in August.
Dude, how the hell did you become an RA?
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
I just want to know how she convinced 6 sober ROTC guys to have an ab contest on a street corner at 2 in the morning.
You climbed out your own window and walked in the front door..
The feeling are messing with the penis
You were peeing off the rooftop and told everyone sometimes you just gotta go
Had the weirdest dream last night. If you're ever in Texas, do not come over with a 12 pack as a bribe and ask for a threeway between you, me, and my TA. I will take the beer though.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
I keep finding granola in my bed. This is what I get for sleeping with a guy from Oregon.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Randomize
