Christians are straight up FREAKS
It was laundry day and I was wearing last xmas undies. he took one look and went...you's a ho, ho, ho. my response you ask? for less dough, dough, dough. I'm a slut.
with a sacreligious after taste.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
We George Forman grilled some girls phone last night.
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
I passed out leaning next to a light pole. When the cop woke me up at 4 AM, I told him I was a block away from the apt, just had to stop to make a puke pit stop.
Apparently you can legally be topless in Boulder, CO. Get on it.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
he stole a smokey from the street meat vendor and put it in his pocket when she wasn't looking and now we're drinking avocado margaritas
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
Your normalization of crazy is frightening.
Everythings in imax form. Space oddessys are formed. Adventure at every moment and everything is epic. My mouth hass lemons. Yum.
apparently i ended up downloading "thats amore", giving him head, and singing it... all at the same time
Randomize
